


Affectphobia

by NightHerald



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Gen, character sketch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:51:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6585823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightHerald/pseuds/NightHerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quick examination of L's mindset before the roof scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Affectphobia

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago, but stumbled upon it recently and was struck by how much it didn't suck haha.

L pads across the room and out the door before Mogi, engrossed in his work, takes notice. He decides to take the stairs instead of the elevator this time. He has no goal in mind, so he meanders along, focusing on the sensation of cold metal beneath his feet to keep his mind occupied. It is a hard task to accomplish, but he soon loses himself in the repetitiveness of his climb, one foot above the other, automatically counting his steps.

He stops when he reaches the door to the roof. Leaning his forehead against the cool metal, he listens to the silence surrounding him. He feels cut off from the world and wonders briefly why that bothers him. He dispels the thought before it can reach a comprehensive end.

L quietly slips out the door and steps onto the rough concrete of the roof. The wind is strong; it whips his clothes about him and bathes him with the heavy scent of rain. For some reason it is intoxicating. The sensations are wild and free and in this moment he wants nothing more than to close his eyes and surrender himself to them. But he has always kept a firm grasp on his emotions. The pursuit of senseless desire creates new weaknesses, cracks in a concrete facade, and presents the opportunity for seeds of malevolence to take root and tear him open. He has always been one to pursue logic; it is a much less turbulent course to take, and sometimes L is irrationally nettled at the thought that he is deliberately choosing an easier way. He is not a coward. He is –

A drop of water hits the top of his head, followed by another, and then he is drenched, rain pouring around him, pounding the concrete and gluing his clothes to him.

He turns his face upward, but rain falls in his eyes and he cannot see the sky.


End file.
